I’ve never been really any good at taking time for myself. Even pre motherhood. Whenever I find myself with free time, I always seem to find something to do, that really has nothing to do with taking some me time. What’s wrong with me? Can I get a clue please? I think now more than ever, especially with my homeschooling undertaking, it is crucial that I take time for myself. I’m not talking about going out by myself or with girlfriends. Yes, that is great too…and I love it every bit as much. No, what I’m talking about is being alone in my house. All. By. Myself.
Well, the opportunity presented itself yesterday when my husband was going out to watch football. It just so happens, a friend stopped by and invited us to watch the game with her and her husband. Me, not really caring about football, declined, but then she offered to help Chris with the kids if he wanted to bring them along. Yes, my husband needs help, where as I manage 3 on a daily basis. I know..right? I thought, great…I’ll send Jacks and Savannah along. Thinking it might be a little too much trouble to send Annie, I’ll just keep her home with me. She can be a teensy bit of handful at times…um…actually, all the time. I tend to be my own worst enemy in relinquishing control over the kids. I feel if I’m not there, then I can’t be in control of the situation. I kept thinking my husband will get too involved in the game and one of my babies would go missing. But then, I realized he is completely capable of taking care of these children, and besides, they all really wanted to go. Plus, my friend was there as his back up. So, I did something I rarely do. I let him walk out of our house with all three kids. GASP!
I was alone in my house for almost FOUR hours. As soon as they left, I drew the shades and closed all the shutters. I wasn’t going to risk anyone knowing I was home. Then, that’s when the crazy thoughts started creeping in. Let me just pick up a little…I thought. Then, I’ll cook dinner while they’re gone, so it will be ready when they get back...and I could really get a lot of laundry done too. It’s a sickness I tell you! It’s like I have something to prove. Like I need to prove to my husband and kids that I don’t need to take any down time? Like I need to take care of them at every opportunity? I sat there for a minute debating…knowing if I did those things…there would be no accolades for me and I would have wasted perfectly good alone time. Whoopity do da…Mom cleaned and cooked again! I mean honestly, how many times can I wow them with that horse and pony show? So, I took one look at my mess of a house and said, “Not happening!” Instead, I poured myself a heaping glass of wine and went on a self induced Netflix binge.
It was beyond glorious! Besides wine, there was skipping, a Josh Duhamel movie, and lots of giddy laughter. Clearly, I have been denying myself. Momma’s had a taste of the good life and she’s staking her claim for more. Of course, in theory, that sounds sublime. Now, I just need to make it happen.